What is up with these facebook people?

I feel a rush of snark to the brain. You can only hold the snark down for so long and then something has to pop. Right now? It's some of the asshattery that is taking place on facebook. And I fully expect to update this post regularly, if you know what I mean. Seems that that asshattery is a renewable resource. Leonardo DiCaprio wants to use it to power his car.

Complaint 1: Twitter! You have got to be kidding me! I know some perfectly nice and otherwise smart people that have their twitter feeds show up on their facebook page. 34% tell you what the person is having for a meal, 23% tell you about where they are traveling or what airport gate they are at. 100% are mundane/boring/totally unnecessary. There have to be some twitter consumers that actually care. But this is my blog and I don't. I'm really having a hard time with the self-importance of the Twitterer. I count many Twitterers among my facebook friends. And I still love you all, I swear, as much as I ever did. But you are clogging up my feed stream, I don't care what you are eating and hows about you just post the important stuff as a note on your facebok page? Nobody needs to know your state of mind every 15 minutes. (Holy cow do I feel better after getting that out! Whee!)

Complaint 2: The dating stalkers. I suppose that you can use facebook for whatever the heck you want. But when a person has listed that they are there for friendship and networking, it means that they are not interested on the face of some person they have never met before trying to strike up an instant romance. OK, OK, my mistake for accepting people as friends that I don't actually know. Sue me, I'm a recruiter. i just assume that I can help people network and find jobs. But to those of you, (and let's be real, I'm talking about the mens) who become facebook friends with women and try to strike up a love-thang with those that are clearly not interested? Well, I have got a little hint for you: it's creepy. Cease and desist. Don't friend us, we'll friend you. And you are going to be waiting for a while. You have a better chance of growing a girlfriend in a test-tube. And the un-friending me after I say no? Well all I have to say about that is "thanks!". (Phew, OK that one felt pretty awesome too.)

Complaint 3: Why you gotta invite me to be your friend when you have nothing filled out on your profile? Am I to be so enchanted by your name and invitation that I should immediately want to join a coalition of you and your 3 friends that I have also never heard of? Look, I don't know you. There's obviously something I can help you with. So give me something to work with. A little content perhaps? How about a note explaining why you have invited me to a page that is essentially blank? Wrap your brain around the concept of value proposition. Nobody gets awards for having the highest number of facebook friends. What's in it for me? Should I accept you as a friend so you can fill your page with a bunch of weird stuff later and then my friends are all "What is up with that weird facebook friend that collects clown dolls? Huh, Heather?". Yeah, don't do this to me. My answer to that is "ignore" and I say it out loud and gleefully as I click the button in facebook. 

OK, that's it for now, friends (not the facebook kind...the real kind on my blog...cue rimshot)...ahhh, you know I love you. And you all know how good a purge can feel. Not angry, just wanted to deposit the rant here and be done with it. And now I am on to happy thoughts about running through fields of flowers with a puppy chasing me.

Oh, and do share if you have some facebok angst of your own to share.

Comments

• Anonymous
  March 26, 2008
  Holy get me out of my lazy boy, home sick for the afternoon, reading blogs on my mobile phone, to write this reply on the desktop in the home office... Batman! Heather, this past weekend I started reading Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential.  The writing style, as much as the content has captured my verbatious (not a word but it will be eventually, by the time I'm done writing my books) intrigue that so enraptures my own thought process.  (OK, that hurt to write.  Hope my wit and cheeky retort flies in as appreciative!) I only accept real friends onto Facebook.  I also only accept real business associates on LinkedIn.  That means my network is around 75 to 100 on each.  That's REAL.  Recruiters need bigger networks.  But, unless you've helped me get a job, or I know you personally, I'm ignoring your invite.  So, kudos to your expression of "get real" that so many more people need to hear! (It is scary what can happen when you put yourself out there.  I mean, there is getting Lived - errrr Googled that reveals lots.) BTW, your writing keeps getting better. ~Toby

• Anonymous
  March 26, 2008
  The comment has been removed

• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
  Amen sister! Points 2 and 3 agree 100%! I want to say to these people please do not send me another beer!  And these are my coworkers! Point 1 - I also agree - but I am guilty.  I can't get the value of twitter - I am trying hard but still can't get it! I signed up after taking a web 2.0 webinar where the speaker said it was a "must" and have yet to see the value.  I barely have enough time to get through my day with all that I have going on - do I really have time to twitter my precious few left over minutes?  I keep thinking there is some hidden value that I have yet to discover... great post - what about doing a post on the Linkedin recommendation requests from people you don't even know!  What is up with that?    

• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
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• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
  The comment has been removed

• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
  She fits into the Twitter world with her "its all about me" stuff. Especially now that shes pregnant, its more about her. I see her twitter about other co workers, traffic, etc... So if I eat chips loudly and it interferes with her life, tough. We sit in a huge open cube farm and share the same air. While I dont aim to anger anyone with my chip eating habits, its part of the deal of working in an open space. Sorry I just dont want to know whats going on in someone's thought bubble. Keep it to yourselves peeps!

• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
  And best of luck with that charming co-worker. Maybe her S/O will twitter about all the annoying noise she makes when she has her baby.

• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
  I'm still trying to get Twitter myself. Here's a blog post from a fellow 'softie that may help: http://www.hanselman.com/blog/TwitterTheUselessfulnessOfMicroblogging.aspx

• Anonymous
  March 27, 2008
  OK, interesting. That does give the perspective of the Twitterer.  I guess the underlying assumption is that they are among a community of other Twitterers. I guess what I want are 2 things:

1. limited exposure - facebook friendship does not imply a need to know EVERYTHING one is doing. I think that there's an understanding of a certain type of communication that will take place on FB. Twitter is TMI for facebook.
2. Scott must be seeing different tweets (is that right? Tweets? Did I just say that?) than I am. Seriously, I am seeing breakfast menus. I think that the availability of the medium and the understanding that it's quick and frequent gives people the feeling that they need to come up with something asap. Ooh, my orange juice has pulp. Must tweet. The more I have thought about this, the more I think that this has to do with the reward system on the interwebs. The rewards for putting content out there are engagement, agreement, links, recognition. Someone thinks you said something witty and your ego goes zing. Twittering is the one-hitter version (oh please, I went to college in LA). You love the rush of the engagement from what you write online, you can't help but go for the quick hits. Junkies :)

• Anonymous
  March 28, 2008
  Heather - did you see this? http://www.commoncraft.com/Twitter

• Anonymous
  March 28, 2008
  Thanks for the link Kerry. That's a good explanation. They kind of lose me with the immeediate premise that people really care what you are doing all the time. And I still wish they would keep it off facebooks. It's just boring.

• Anonymous
  March 29, 2008
  I like to refer to Twitter as an ego distillery: http://www.socialmediaready.com/2007/12/28/what-the-heck-is-twitter-besides-an-ego-distillery/

• Anonymous
  March 31, 2008
  I think some Facebook users are lost. The site they were actually trying to find is MySpace. :P

• Anonymous
  April 01, 2008
  Darren - good link and exactly how I feel. Could be something or maybe not. i kind of like the technologuy that is intended to solve a problem instead of one where the notion of how to use it evolves. Still, there could be some value there but I choose to let other people with more time on their haqnds figure that out. As it is, updating my status regularly is about as egotistical as I care to get on facebook. Michael - agreed. I like to experiment and set up a myspace page (not much to see there...move along) and I just don't love the functionality. Don't plan on spending any time there.

• Anonymous
  April 02, 2008
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• Anonymous
  April 04, 2008
  You just laid the smacketh down. Subscribed.

• Anonymous
  April 04, 2008
  Cat - yeah, those bug me too drew - and it felt good!