Sold by weight, not by volume
So I'm sitting at the breakfast table this morning doing what 99.85% of Americans do every morning. Read the cereal box. And in the corner it says, "Sold by weight, not by volume." So I ask my daughter, "how many people do you think actually know what that means?" She says to me, probably very few. So then something else occurred to me. I looked over at the misses and said, "With me you got lucky. You go both weight and volume." Ha! Now that was puny or punny as the case may be.... BID.
Then another random thought pooped into my head. What is there that has no weight or volume? Well, hm. I know! Diputs SEO companies. Absolutely no value what so ever. Pure marketing fluff. Kind of like eating a marshmallow. It's bad for you, gives you that empty feeling and is mostly just sugar. Nothing of value. Not unlike the unmentionables at the Fat Burning Furnace scam. A lot of empty pages, all saying the same thing, but in the end, you walk away with that kind of empty feeling inside. Almost as if someone skimmed all of the cream off of the top, and all they left you with is skim milk to put on your hollow empty crispy rice serial. Just plain nasty. And don't tell me you don't know what I am talking about. Remember, statistics are on my side.
So where are you going with this Inoun?
I am glad you asked.
Well, it's about statistical combinations. Picture this for a moment. SEO companies keep cranking out garbage that nobody really wants, and pretty soon, the entire Internet has turned into, well, the "stay puffed marshmallow man."
The only thing that even closely compares with THAT, is bloatware. And you know what I am talking about there. Software that is so big that your computer litter Ali cries when you turn it on. You know that sound it makes. Most tech guys will tell you it is a fan that is going out, or a bearing on the hard drive that is whining, but I still stand by my original story. The computer is crying.
Serially? I figured it out this morning. Some of you may be a little young for this, but you used to have to swap floppy disks in and out of the floppy drive to install software. Yes, this was before flash drives, dvd's, cd's, or vinyl records. For some reason, the opening scene of 2001 a Space Odyssey currently comes to mind. In other words, long before your time. My daughter found a brand new box of floppies at the place she works, bought them, and gave them to me a couple of days ago. I have them sitting right here. BID.
Do you know how many floppies it would take to install my video driver? 186. I can just see it now. The boss says to me, "What happened last week? Why didn't you get more billable hours? Hm? Hm?" My answer? "I was installing a new video driver on my machine. There was a security issue, and the IT guys forced me to do an upgrade."
To read the average floppy used to take about 2 minutes. So that would mean it would take you just over 6 hours to install an updated video driver. With the quantities of security updates coming out every day, it's a wonder we get anything done at all. I can just see it now, "Hi honey, how was your day? Oh fine. What did you do? I installed a video driver, and was forced to install the latest Flash update, which comes out about every 3 hours on any given day. Really, how's that workin out fur ya? Well, being an engineer, I went out and bought a pet monkey, trained him to swap floppies, left some rice crispies and skim milk on the counter for him, and he is swapping the disks as we speak. I am hoping to start on Adobe's PDF Reader tomorrow."
But to add insult to injury, I went and looked at the actual size of the video driver? You know, the one that actually displays the stuff on the screen? 12MB's. The rest apparently was created by the legal, accounting, and marketing departments and the fine SEO scam fat boys at the fat burning furnace.
But don't worry about it, it's just a little phlegm.
Comments
- Anonymous
May 16, 2011
Comic Sans is the world's most hated font. http://bancomicsans.com/main/ =) [ed. I know, that is why I use it! :-) Great comment by the way. I love it. Someone with a brain who is actually paying attention. Seriously. The biggest reason I use it is because I want to make sure that no one ever takes the blog seriously. Other than for educational purposes of course. By the way, I would be happy to donate to the campaign. I probably have some change in one of the hand me down couches somewhere.]