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SharePoint !@#$, expletives and other cuss words I swear with...

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I swear at SharePoint!

Oh, uh, no...

I got that wrong. I mean, "I swear by SharePoint!" Did you see how that little simple useless stop word, that so often gets removed, and we talked about the other day can really mess you up? We (the four of us; me, myself, I, and Inoun) have been writing about associations of all kinds, like death and homeowners associations, the use of stopwords, and other fun games to play on, I mean with, search, search engines, SharePoint Search, FAST, ESP, and just plain old SharePoint.

But what about expletives? They have/add feeling(s) too? Right?

Write Inoun, write.

At home in my family we play a lot of games. Sometimes it drives the Misses crazy. Well, not that we play games, but the kind of word games that we come up with, play around with, in that random molecule(KID) container we call a house. Take for instance the other day. I was working on a project that required me to make sure that there was/were no offensive content(OC) within their FAST ESP search index. As I was pondering this, I proceeded to came out of my hole(office) like I do sometimes, get something to drink, and ask the children a question. "What is an expletive?" Their responses were very interesting:

  • One said, "That's a cuss word Dad". I was stunned. Is that even legal to use cuss word and Dad in the same sentence?
  • Another one, after grabbing the nearest laptop and looking it up, said something about useless, garbage, nouns, etc. words.
  • One of them was glued to his brand new, home brew, massively parallel processing, overclocked computer, head phones on (I think they are required or else the machine doesn't work), and after my asking the second or third time, rolled his eyes and said, I swear, he really did.... "hmph" And then went back to whatever he was doing. Something to do with saving the electron protocols from bombarding super collider protons and SETI aliens, or something or other...
  • My wife just looked up at me and gave me that look, you know the one that is somewhere between, "Where are you going with this?" and "Are you cereal?" and then turned her head, faced "her" screen and started looking something, I am sure much more important, up on Bing.

So after that, I knew it was time for some fun. An Inoun game AND example! A spearmint.

"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?"

Hm. No! Not that one!

So here was the question floating around in my head at the time. Is it possible to talk (well, write anyway) about expletives, without swearing, make it at least somewhat interesting, and still get all of the meaning across? Well, I am hear (yes, I know) to type (I can't say "tell") you that it is. Who ends a sentence with "is" anyway? "Well, I guess that depends on your definition of what is is"....

I told them that the next time I were to hit my thumb with a hammer, I was going to use an expletive (I figured that I was safe, because, being a techie, geek, and Inoun (a noun), I don't really use (that would be a verb) a hammer (a noun) that much.) At this point, an interesting thing happened.

My wife looked up.

Well, that, and something else, I used a few more examples (expletive's), and pretty soon everyone was going around the house saying expletives. Uh, no, I didn't right that write. I mean they litter Ali, went around the house saying, "expletive!". The next to the youngest was the funnest to watch. "Expletive. Oh expletive!, I mean expletive!, I am so unhappy that I could just, you know, expletive! I wish they would get the expletive out of here...."

And so it went the rest of the afternoon. Well, apparently, I wasn't there. I had just dropped a bombshell into the house, and the expletives (well, the word expletive anyway) could be heard all through the house for the rest of the day. So I did the only thing a husband should/could do, I banished myself back to "the dungeon(office).". And that night, somehow, I did survive and escaped from, well, you know "the couch".

Back in the dungeon, I turned my attention to the FAST ESP Offensive Content Filter(OCF). You know, SharePoint Search has one too. It has a very innovative name. It too is called the OffensiveContentFilter(OCF).  A very nifty tool that gets rid of, oh, about 96/129th's, .7441860465116279..., well, aproximately 96/128th's or 96/2^7th of the Internet. Which for those of you numerically and only fractionally (i.e. partially) challenged, equates to about 3/4th's of the everything on the Internets. And if that still doesn't make any sense at all, let's just say it is more than half but less than all of it. And if you still don't get it, you should probably apply for a job at the CBO. Okay fine, I will tell you what that "is is" is too. The Congressional Budget Office. They don't understand fractions or really big numbers their (I know) either. Cereally, I mean "are you cereal?", no, I mean seriously, you should, you really should. The CBO needs more people that don't not know how to not work with numbers. But I digress. (Or should I call this an Inoun discretion, digression?)

Finally, when one of the kids came down and dragged me back to that reality television(TV) show at our house that we call "dinner", my wife confronted all of us and said, in a way the only kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, compasionate, tender, caring (I know, I said that already), curteous, loving (said that one too), spouses (I am trying to butter her up), can say, "You know, if you use any word like that, it becomes an expletive (well she really did say, "swear word" (not 'a' swear word as in, "she said a swear word", but work with me on this).

To which I responded with the following rhyme my son had shared with me earlier:

Nouns and nouns may verb my nouns, but nouns will never verb me.

And all I remember that, is that the house broke into chaos.

Well word chaos anyway.

Way to go expletive....

Comments

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2011
    i think that the "GOOGLE it," habit will be hard to break. its not the same when you say "I'll BING it." Sorry  Inoun. i know this has nothing whatsoever to do with the price of Rice in China, but you get what i meant. ;)

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2011
    Hey Inoun, do you EVER post what i say? does it ever get read? sorry i had to ask...