Getting feedback and liking it
Signs that you are growing up...buying your first home, deciding that you like your friends better when they stop trying to set you up on dates, doing stuff because it's good for you (shredded wheat, sun block, anything green and leafy...OK, bad example). Earlier in my career, it was likely that when given feedback, my initial response was defensiveness (which leads to more feedback by the way, trust me) and devastation ("you mean you don't think I am perfect?"). I know a lot of people that still go out of their way to avoid feedback, either because they don't like confrontation or their feelings get hurt. For me initially, it was just hard to sit there and listen to it without fighting back. You know how Michael Jackson said he's a lover not a fighter? OK, first, ew. And second, I'm the other way around, or at least a solid part of each.
Anyway, you can get by at Microsoft without giving feedback (although giving feedback is a skill that's totally required if you want to become a manager), but you pretty much can't escape getting it. After some good coaching by peers and mentors (thanks Suzanne and Carrol), I've personally tackled the feedback thing. In fact, I have gotten to the point that I like it. It's not about people liking me (their choice really...and I know that not everyone does), it's about realizing how I am perceived, what could hold me back, how other people like to work, where to spend my time developing. So at this point, it's just fuel that I can use to be better at what I do.
I guess there are a couple reasons I am thinking about this right now. First, I just submitted my review. My job changed dramatically this year and it's really been the first time I've felt like I was in just the right job for my skills (again, I've had the luxury of a manager that realized my strengths and was flexible enough to work with me to turn it into a job). I've been recruiting for 11 years so it was time for something like this. And based on that, I think I may have had my best year ever. We've established a new staffing process that appears to work, tried new things, engaged with some awesome marketing and finance people and done a lot of evangelizing. If you would have told me a few years back that I would be mentioned in Fast Company, I probably would have been to scared to ask why (OK, not really, but I would have had no idea). So with that review writing process, there's a lot of introspection. I'm always having a self-critical dialog in my head (I know, Keith Harrell would tell me to stop, but it's not "mean Heather", it's "self-improvement Heather"---comes with a Kung Fu grip, not a pink corvette). So the review makes you think about documenting it.
Also, I got feedback from my presentation at the Kennedy Conference in Las Vegas. For every "good content; leading edge stuff", there was a "not realistic for the...bulk of companies". For every "best session", there was a "talks a bit fast". When I first read through the feedback, the constructive feedback stuck out more than the positive. The more I read it, the balance tilts toward the positive. First thought..."what is wrong with me?"...second thought, "I'm looking for the parts I can improve upon, silly". For me, I don't think it's really a self-esteem thing...I think it's that I truly want to get better (improving my public speaking skills was a personal and professional goal for me this year). So looking at the feedback, I'm kind of excited about the fact that I know what I need to do to get better. It's truly a gift to have that information (and thank you to anyone that attended that supplied feedback!).
Look who's all grown up and none too soon!
P.S.: for those out there that have given me "feedback" on my grammar (Jane doesn't like my use of the word "really") or spelling (yes, I spelled it "bored room" on purpose), that is not the kind of feedback I am referring to. I write like I speak and "kinda" and "anyhoo" happens. Oh yeah, so does "whee!".
Comments
- Anonymous
June 28, 2005
Tackling my public speaking is a goal of mine that I have yet to address but plan to as I do love to give presentations and haven't had the chance to give many... yet.
Feedback hasn't been a prolbem for me but being a web developer means I have to deal with management and end user opinions all the time so it has come with experience.
My only advice with feedback is to not focus on the positive feedback (which feels great) but to focus on the constructive critism and even negative feedback. You can only grow if you address your problems (or what people percieve as your problems), but focusing on positive feedback will only give you a false sense of security or an ego. - Anonymous
June 28, 2005
Travis-...unless you are naturally self critical (sounds like you aren't...good for you!), then try to focus more on the positive. Half full/half empty. Ultimately, all just opinions but you have to deal with peoples' opinions in life. So it's all to be taken with a grain of salt. Your advice speaks well to those on one side of the continuum. Good to hear how it feels on the other side ; ) - Anonymous
June 28, 2005
I just notices that this comment system says, "Comments: required." I Love it.
Anyhoo,
My life includes upwards of 150 presentations per year, of which over 50 require me to field questions which may involve unexpected topics and around 100 require me to hold an audience's attention for more than half an hour.
Unfortunately, many people are reluctant to provide me with indepth analysis of the effectiveness of my presentations. I got plenty of positive feedback. But positive feedback is sometimes like hearing "good morning" from the same twenty people every day. After awhile it is hard to distinguish ritual from genuine "well-wishing."
When my wife and I married in the early 1980s, I asked her to monitor my presentations and critique them as to delivery and content. Her feedback has been invaluable.
Although around 5% of the time we disagree on matters pertaining to relevancy of the topic or style of presentation - her feedback almost always helps me to assess how I might better tailor both the preparation of the plan of presentation and the delivery. (I don't like formal outlines of the Roman Numeral, Capital Letter, Arabic Numeral, Lower Case letter type - but I fully believe that the chain of a presentation must logically link together in order for the objective and the details of the presentation to be comprehended by the audience.)
Without this feedback I would have no external assessment by which to evaluate my effectiveness. I would be like a driver on a deserted road without a speedometer trying to guess at the speed that he (or she) is traveling or like a pilot without a radar caught in a cloudbank.
Feedback is as vital to effective leadership as water is vital to life. - Anonymous
June 30, 2005
J.H., good points. On an only slightly related side point (the "good morning" thing), Sakun, our intern is from Malaysia. She mentioned that when she moved to the US, she was taken off guard by consistently being asked "how are you?" or "how are you doing?"...like people actually wanted an answer (must seem kind of nosey). We got a good laugh out of that. I have to remember that when I travel.