How to write a Bad Resume
I figure there is plenty of information out there about how to write a good resume, so I thought I'd do the reverse: Tell you how to write a bad one.
Tip #1: List every language you've ever written a line of code in (even if it was just commenting code). You've wrestled with some of the most obscure programming languages known to man; you're not going to be scared by some trivial C code! Check these out:
Languages: Basic, E * , C, C++, Modula-2, Miranda, SR, Prolog, Java, Pascal, AREXX, SQL, Perl, JavaScript, Assembler, C#, VB, J#, Python.
(* BTW - anyone remember the "E" language that was popular on the Amiga for a while? 150 bonus nerd points if you do!)
Tip #2: You've been using computers since they were known as abacuses, and you'll make sure that no matter what the reader's favorite OS is, you're all over it:
Platforms: VMS, Vic20, C64, C128, Amiga (all versions of Workbench), MSDOS, Windows3.1 / 95 / Me / 98 / NT4 / 2000 / XP / 2003 / Vista / CE, SunOS, Irix, Linux (all distributions), HPUX, BeOS, Mac OS9 / OSX.
Tip #3: Don't forget the buzzwords - typical newbie mistake! How is the reader going to realize that you "know XML" if you don't tell them?! Ever used a browser? - better list HTTP! The key here is to not leave anything out - you don't want to lose the opportunity just because you forgot to list a protocol variant.
Technologies/Concepts/Methodologies: SOAP, XML / XSL / XSLT, HTML, xHTML, DHTML, Web Services, WSDL, OOP, Functional Programming, AJAX, Web2.0, TDD, Extreme Programming, CGI… [wait, let me catch my breath…..], Cookies, HTTP, SSL, FTP, SMTP, Client/Server, TCP/IP, SSH, Telnet, WWW.
At this point, the hiring manager should already be sold. You know pretty much everything there is to know about anything related to a transistor, and some things about vacuum tubes as well. The only thing left is to sprinkle with some real world experience:
Tip #4: Tell them what you did in your last job. No… I mean, really tell them!
Previous employment: Developed the software that drives Cyberdine System's worldwide operations. Responsibilities included: Requirements gathering, writing specs, coding, testing, leading a team, project management, scheduling, code reviews, sales, marketing, and legal matters.
It doesn't matter that it was a team of 50 people. You worked as a team, you can all take credit for it.
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Okay, perhaps that's enough, I think I spilled some sarcasm on the keyboard… But I'm hoping you get the point. I read a lot of resumes that just blindly list every skill they've acquired in 10 years in the industry. It's a great achievement, but it's not helpful when reading the resume.
Think to yourself: If you were hiring for this job, what would you want to hear?
Got any Dos/Don'ts you want to share? Throw in a comment.
Comments
Anonymous
April 10, 2006
The comment has been removedAnonymous
April 10, 2006
Agreed that you don't have to list each & every thing but have you seen some job description? Sometimes they want a hero (or Jack of all) person that knows everything from Jave to .Net, SQL Server to Oracle. I think that's why people put as much as they can think of . :)
Also, when your resume goes to a non-technical recruiter, sometimes they get amazed to see all the buzzwords which turns out good for the candidate. Everybody tries to sell him/her(self). No?
Funny thing I saw once a resume that was of a freshly graduated person. It was 4 pages long. :)Anonymous
April 10, 2006
I didn't get an interview because I had GUI on my resume and the job description had Man-Machine Interface developer.
Listing all experience on a resume makes it bad for technical readers but most people in the resume chain are not technical. They do a simple pattern match before passing it on.Anonymous
April 10, 2006
You guys make great points. I guess much of the resume is designed to appeal to the non-technical people in the chain - whether they're your own recruitment agency, or that of the destination company.
By the time it gets to many hiring managers, they look at the resumes and they all look the same. Everyone knows every language on every platform with every technology... Whether it's true or not, it's not all that helpful.
I'm spotting a small irony: The people whose job it is to make resumes look great are causing them all to look bad. Awesome :)
Perhaps this blog post should be sent to those people who demand that resumes be a Bucket-of-Buzzwords...? :)
AviAnonymous
April 10, 2006
As bad as it might sound..The Tip # 4 is really my previous experience..helped in legal matters and took sales calls too:)Anonymous
July 25, 2006
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July 25, 2006
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June 07, 2009
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June 15, 2009
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